What is Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?
When people say someone is narcissistic, what do they mean? Usually, they’re referring to someone who only talks about themselves or seems way too focused on being admired.
But it’s not just about wanting to steal the spotlight: This self-focus can also lead to a lack of consideration for one’s feelings or a fear of failure and rejection. This shows up in a variety of ways – some of which are easier to spot than others.
Below, we’ll explore how to spot these patterns in depth and what they mean for both the people who have them and those around them.
Narcissism as a personality trait vs. a personality disorder
First, it’s important to clarify the difference between what we mean when we talk about narcissism. Most people describe others as “narcissistic” when they have a few common narcissistic patterns – but those patterns will often vary depending on who the person is, and they may not interfere with someone’s core sense of self.
When these traits persistently affect many areas of the person’s life, the person who exhibits them may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). NPD is a formal mental health diagnosis, and there’s only one type. This refers to a point when narcissistic patterns have a profound impact on someone’s sense of self, and it affects both how they treat themselves and others over the long term.
Narcissistic personality traits
Narcissistic personality traits might include:
arrogance or haughtiness
a strong sense of entitlement
overbearing or controlling
an exaggerated self-image
tendency to exploit others
a lack of empathy
Some people who don’t have a diagnosable disorder may display a few of these patterns, but not all of them – that’s why there are different types of narcissism (more on that below).
The five types of narcissism
According to Psych Central, there are 5 different types of Narcissism:
overt
covert
antagonistic
communal
malignant
Sometimes, it can be helpful to have a mental image of these patterns so you can spot them in others, or in yourself. Below, we’ll cover what each of these categories means in more detail.
Overt narcissism
Overt narcissists tend to be outgoing, arrogant, and entitled. They may also be overbearing, have an exaggerated self-image, and an overarching need to be praised and admired.
A few other traits of overt narcissists include:
exploitative
competitive
lacking empathy
Overt narcissism might also cause someone to overestimate their own emotional intelligence. It’s linked to high neuroticism (the tendency to experience unpleasant emotions) and disagreeableness.
However, not all narcissistic traits show up the same way. Next, we’ll take a closer look at a pattern that seems the complete opposite on the surface: covert narcissism.
Covert narcissism
Covert narcissism, also known as vulnerable narcissism or closet narcissism, tends to manifest in people who seem shy or more vulnerable.
People with covert narcissistic traits have a higher likelihood of experiencing anxiety, depression, and shame. They may get defensive quickly and express low self-esteem, insecurity, and low confidence.
They may also exhibit:
introversion
avoidance
tendency to play the victim
They are very self-focused, but this conflicts with a deep fear or sense of not being enough. That means they’ll often struggle to take criticism or interpret benign criticism in extreme ways.
Antagonistic narcissism
In antagonistic narcissism, the focus is on rivalry and competition. People with this trait may come across as arrogant and tend to take advantage of others to gain the upper hand. They’re often:
competitive
argumentative
irritable
Because they’re competitive, they might also use manipulative tactics to gain the upper hand over others.
Communal narcissism
At first glance, people with communal narcissism may seem to be focused on others rather than themselves. But rather than genuine concern, the primary motivator behind their generosity is a sense of social power and self-importance.
This type of person might:
be overtly generous
become easily morally outraged
see themselves as empathic
That might not sound all that bad, but these traits become an issue when they expect undue admiration for small acts of generosity or tend to perceive common experiences as unfair. Communal narcissism elicits the belief that they are looking out for others, but their behaviour contradicts their beliefs.
Malignant narcissism
Malignant narcissistic traits overlap somewhat with overt narcissism, including a strong need for praise and to be elevated above others. But these traits tend to display in darker, more extreme ways, causing problems for those around them.
A person with malignant narcissism may display:
vindictiveness
aggression or even sadism
paranoia about threats
While malignant narcissism is generally destructive, some forms of narcissism can actually be adaptive. Next, we’ll take a closer look at the difference between narcissism that harms and narcissistic traits that are a more natural part of being human.
Adaptive vs. maladaptive narcissism
There can only be one diagnosis for NPD. However, narcissism is a trait, and it affects one’s day-to-day life and ability to form relationships. Some research suggests there are adaptive and maladaptive types of narcissism; the adaptive traits are helpful, and the maladaptive traits are unhelpful.
Adaptive narcissism includes those traits that help you celebrate yourself, such as being self-reliant or having confidence in your skills.
Maladaptive narcissism happens when those traits don’t serve you or others well, or they negatively impact your relationships.
That said, the research is divided. Other research sees narcissism as something altogether separate from healthy self-confidence.
What’s the treatment for Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Talk therapy can help people with narcissistic traits and NPD build up a more genuine sense of self-worth. As they uncover the fears and motivations driving their behaviour, they’ll also be able to develop more empathy for others, leading to better relationships with friends, coworkers, and loved ones.
Usually, it starts with accepting responsibility. That means setting more realistic goals for themselves while accepting shortcomings.
Therapy can also help people with NPD to:
accept criticism and failures
let go of unrealistic goals
understand the perspectives of others
However, there is not one type of talk therapy that works for everyone. Different people will respond well to different approaches.
Some types of talk therapy that can help people recover are:
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Helps people identify negative thought patterns and the behaviours related to them.
Metacognitive Therapy (MCT): Focused on addressing beliefs about the way someone processes thoughts and emotions.
Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT): Emphasizes strategies to help manage one’s extreme emotions, along with acceptance.
Group therapy: Offers communal support for people who meet and share their feelings in a group setting.
Couples or family therapy: Includes a partner or an entire family in therapy sessions to help restore close relationships.
What if I’ve experienced trauma from narcissistic abuse?
Experiencing trauma from narcissistic abuse can leave you disoriented, overwhelmed, and struggling to piece together the patterns that caused your distress. Trauma therapy can help you reduce the intensity of your triggers and help you restore a sense of safety.
Below are a few approaches that can help people struggling with this type of trauma.
Brainspotting
Brainspotting (BSP) is an advanced treatment and one of the top emerging breakthroughs in trauma healing today. Discovered in 2003 by David Grand, PhD, it’s a powerful treatment that helps uncover the source of emotional pain and trauma, and reduces some of the symptoms that accompany it.
In brainspotting, your therapist will have you follow a pointer or spot with your eyes to gauge the spot where your trauma is stored. While focusing on that spot, your brain will process and release the trauma, or decrease the symptoms you feel as a result of the narcissistic abuse.
What does Brainspotting help with?
Trauma resolution
Emotional regulation
Reduced anxiety and stress
Improved performance
Enhanced self-awareness
Release of repressed memories
Pain management
Integration of body and mind
Enhanced therapeutic alliance
Personal empowerment
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
CBT isn’t just for people struggling with narcissistic tendencies – it can also help people suffering from posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression. Studies have found that this approach can help reduce the symptoms and help reduce the risk of future intimate partner violence.
Psychodynamic approaches
Scientific research studies have shown that psychodynamic approaches offer practical suggestions for treating high-functioning women who are emotionally abused. This treatment can involve understanding the early warning signs of abuse and transference within couples.
Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
Narcissistic abuse can leave survivors feeling trapped in a cycle of rumination and anxiety. Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) is a tool that helps clients break free from this pattern.
Through meditation and focused breathing exercises, clients can learn to let feelings and thoughts pass without judging them or getting swept up in them. This allows them to stop rumination and reclaim control over their inner world.
This also helps clients respond thoughtfully to situations rather than reacting impulsively from the emotional residue of the abuse.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
The psychological effects of narcissistic abuse can be immense, often leading to overwhelming feelings and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
DBT combines elements of cognitive-behavioral therapy, helping clients identify and challenge negative thought patterns with mindfulness practices that cultivate emotional awareness.
With DBT skills training, clients learn practical strategies for managing intense emotions, distress tolerance techniques and interpersonal effectiveness skills.
With a newfound emotional resilience, clients will be able to navigate difficult situations with the narcissist or deal with the aftermath of the abuse more effectively. This helps foster a healthier and more balanced approach to life.
Expressive therapies
Expressive therapies like art, music, and movement therapy offer survivors of narcissistic abuse a powerful outlet. Engaging in this type of creative release can help clients process difficult emotions that may be challenging to express verbally.
This fosters positive hobbies that can help them reconnect with like-minded members of their community.
Narrative therapy
Narrative therapy helps clients rewrite their personal narrative. Instead of feeling like a victim of abuse, it empowers clients to see themselves as survivors who have overcome significant challenges.
This can help foster resilience and help clients regain a sense of control over their lives.
Support groups
Most narcissistic abuse leaves victims feeling isolated, with a desire for validation. Support groups offer a powerful remedy to reduce confusion and emotional stress through connection with others who have been through something similar.
Finding a safe space to share their story and encounter others who have walked a similar path can be very beneficial, as they ask questions and offer support at their own pace. They may also learn coping methods from others further along in their healing journeys.
How individual therapy can help survivors of narcissistic abuse
Regardless of the therapeutic approach, there are numerous ways that individual therapy can help people recover from narcissistic abuse. Below are a few other things you can expect from therapy when you are struggling with the effects of narcissistic abuse or its aftermath.
Psychoeducation
Psychotherapists can offer psychoeducation for healing from narcissistic abuse, equipping clients with knowledge about the dynamics of narcissistic abuse and its effects.
Therapists can explain the effects of gaslighting and manipulative patterns. This includes how narcissists employ charm and flattery to draw people in, then gradually shift to control and manipulation. Understanding how they might have become swept up in those patterns can foster a sense of self-compassion.
A crucial step in therapy is for the client to realize they are not to blame for the narcissist’s behaviour, a crucial step in reclaiming their sense of self and rebuilding a healthy life.
Boundary setting
Therapists can incorporate boundary setting into the recovery process to help clients protect themselves from narcissistic abuse.
For example, someone who has spent years accommodating narcissistic demands and emotional outbursts may struggle to say no or prioritize their own needs.
Therapists can help clients maintain healthy boundaries, including assertive communication strategies like expressing needs clearly and directly. Clients learn to identify situations and set boundaries by saying no without guilt or fear of retaliation. In doing so, they learn not to give in to manipulative requests and choose how to respond in a way that prioritizes their own well-being.
Self-compassion and self-care
Therapists can help clients challenge negative self-talk and cultivate a better understanding of their inner voice. This allows them to forgive themselves for the choices they made under someone else’s influence and embrace self-acceptance.
This type of self-compassion can help clients improve their sense of self-worth, allowing them to prioritize their own well-being.
How I will help you to succeed
I’m passionate about working with clients who have experienced narcissistic abuse, as well as those who may be worried about their own narcissistic traits or personalities.
When I work with these clients, I use my training in narrative therapy to recognize negative relationship patterns. I focus on self-compassion, self-care, and boundary setting to help people reclaim their ability to care for themselves and others.
If you think you may struggle with someone in your life who has narcissistic tendencies (or worry about your own), I’m here to help. Reach out today for a free consultation to discover how you can break free from these patterns and strengthen your relationships with others.
